Elaborated+Main+Event


 * Good writers know that the main event in a story needs to be shared in detail. Check out how students responded when asked to take a brief description of the main event and use description, action, thoughts or feelings to elaborate. Remember your comments are welcome. Just click the discussion tab above and share what you think about the work these young writers are doing to polish their skills.**

by Jake
 * = BORING MAIN EVENT: A shark swam around me but I got away. ||

I could see the shark coming at me. I started to swim to the shore. The shark was coming closer and closer. I could see his long, sharp teeth. It swam up to me and tried to bite. I would feel his slippery skin as he opened his mouth and bit down. He missed. I started to swim again. The shark kept chasing me. I was out of energy but I kept swimming until I reached the shore.

by Simon

Shadows lurched only feet under me. "Yipes," I whispered out loud. It didn't sound like words though, more like "Blub glubby zinkerdong." I frantically started swimming towards the surface. The shark swam after me, its fin cutting the water like a bacon slicer slicing bacon. I swam faster. My heart was hitting my throat. Luckily I had taken swimming lessons this summer. I would clearly see the sun now. "Good," I thought to myself. I felt the shark's fin hit my heel. I could hear his jaws open. My entire life flashed before my eyes. (it was rather boring.) Well, I guess this was too exciting. I saw the dock. I did one huge leap and I was on the dock. The shark also leapt. There was a huge "SNAP!" and the shark went under again. The smile that was about to fall off his face disappeared.

"Jason, you're safe," I heard mom yell. Oh, wait, I'm a back catcher for the Boston Red Sox and that was the umpire yelling "safe".

"Daydreaming again, Jason?' my coach asked.

by Brady

I was on a boat when a big wave hit us and I fell into the water. In the distance, I saw something. It got closer. "Sharks," I screamed as I tried to swim. The sharks had big, sharp teeth. They had silky skin. They were huge. Thier eyes looked furious. They started to swim after me. I kicked one in the face and then I swam to my boat. I was pulled under and was about to be eaten when I decided to take action. I held the shark's jaws open, got out of his bite and swam back to my boat. "I'm never going to get back there," I screamed helplessly.

by MIa

"Hey, John. Come in the water," yelled Jim. I jumped in and that's when I saw it. It was a....SHARK! The shark swam closer to me as I struggled to get away. Just then I remembered I couldn't swim. I knew I was a goner. With my last breath, I started yelling and crying. Then I saw the shark lift its head up as I bravely got ready to strangle it. I reached out and saw Jim lift his head out of the water.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked.

I yelled as I started to drown, "Help, help. I'm drowning."

"You're in the baby pool, John," yelled Jim. "Come on let's go in the deep end."

"Okay. Ahhhhhh!" Splash!

by Jessica W.

"I can't believe mom made me hang out with that evil monster, Katie," Julia mittered under her breath glaring at the kid. It was a nice day at the beach and Julia had to hang out with her little sister.

Walking around on the dock, Katie pushed Julia into the water and ran. Julia could hardly breathe, sinking down into the water. Once she started to maintain balance, she saw a shadow under the gleam of the water. Julai swam closer thinking, "What could it be?"

Then....Julia heard the water behind her parting. She turned and saw a shark. Swimming as fast as she could in the other direction, she got slower, losing energy and the shark was gaining on her. She turned and grabbed its fin. She almost fell off as the shark bucked around. Then Julia grabbed her flip flop and started slapping the shark's fin. She jumped off and swam faster and faster, regaining her energy. She reached the shore and dashed home. Walking through the door with one shoe, her body soaking wet, her mom asked," Where have you been?"