All+Talk,+No+Action

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 * Good writers try to balance action, dialouge and description. A story with too much of one and not enough of another is hard to follow. Check out how students took a paragraph that was just a long stream of dialouge and improved it by adding speaker tags and balancing the dialouge with some action and description. **======


 * ALL TALK: "Where is it?" I asked. "I don't know," said Laurie. "I looked everywhere." "Did you look under that box?' "No." "So look already." "You do it." "Uh, uh. You look." "I can't." "Scaredy cat." "There's nothing there." "If he was there, he's gone now." ||

BALANCED VERSION 1 (by Erikah)

"Nibbler...? Nibbler...?" Emily and Kam looked everywhere. He wasn't in any of the usual hiding places.

"How did this happen?" Kam asked.

"Well, umm, I think I left the cage open when I fed him," Emily explained.

They ran inside and saw Bouncer, the cat looking as full as ever. Kam and Emily looked at each other. "Bouncer, please say you didn't eat Nibbler," Kam pleaded.

"Emily, where is your guinea pig," Mom asked angrily. "He better not be out again."

"Well, he's not..., I think..." stuttered Emily.

"Behind you," Kam yelled.

Mom turned around and picked up Nibbler and handed him to Emily. She ran upstairs and put him back in his cage. "Phew! That was close," said Emily as she put the furry fellow back in his cage.


 * BALANCED VERSION 2 (by Riley)**

"Ready or not, here I come," I called. I heard something. I ran into my room. I lifted up the blankets and there was Lindsey.

"Found you," I said as I ran off to keep looking for Jake. Lindsey and I ran downstairs. We heard something. We crept around the corner like mice. There was a box in the middle of nowhere. I lifted the box slowly. Nobody was there.


 * BALANCED VERSION 3 (by Jessica W.)**

Laurie opened the door to the the bedroom and we walked into the closet "I think he's in here," Laurie whispered as we crept forward into Joe's room.

"I can't see anything," I replied shuffling through a stack of sports gear and dirty clothes.

"Look under the box," Laurie suggested.

"He's not there," I told her as we walked out into the hallway.

"He was hiding there earlier," Laurie complained.

"Well, he's gone now," I said.

"If he was there, he's gone now," commented Laura.


 * BALANCED VERSION 4 (by Jake)**

"I think he's in here," Laurie whispered. We walked into a room. There were boxes everywhere.

"I can't see anything. There are too many boxes," I said. We walked into the room kicking boxes out of our way.

"Look under that box," Laura said pointing to the box in the middle of the room. I walked up to the box and lifted it up.

"He's not under here," I said.

"But I saw him," Laurie replied.

Walking out the door I said, "If he was there, he's gone now."